Yesterday was hard. I had 3 more BMs after I wrote my last post yesterday afternoon. Acidy burny ones with even some solid bits. I finally managed to clean the tub and took an Epsom salt bath. It felt so good. I didn't want to get out. I think I soaked for 45 minutes. I wasn't as emotional after the bath, but I was still feeling kind of crappy. Sat on the couch with S as he perused the interwebs and I started to read The New Optimum Nutrition Bible by Patrick Holford. It's very interesting so far. Had some very strange dreams last night, and I realised that all of my dreams have an apocalyptic background and have for a long time. I need to get to the bottom of that. Even what should be happy dreams have a background of destruction, danger, and death. That can't be healthy.
I sincerely hope that today will be better than yesterday. I am still super tired and had a fairly productive SWF this morning. I need to make sure that I drink plenty of lemonade today as I don't think I drank enough yesterday. It's going to be hard for the next 24 hours because we are expecting upwards of 15 inches of snow to hit the area. Normally I make roasts and things when it's going to snow, but alas, not today. I do have to make bread for S though. Mmm bread. All food sounds so good right now. I really miss it. M is coming over to watch Carnivale so that will be a little distracting which will be good for a bit of a distraction except I won't be able to have snax with them. Meh.
Only three more days after today. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.
28.2.09
Day 6 - Sux Balls
Can I just say I hate today??? Today must be an emotional detox day for me or something. I am irritable and sad. S is making something that smells yummy. He said he was going to make dumplings earlier. I love dumplings. I actually did cry a bit. I am hating life. I feel so deprived and left out. I hate that. And I am totally doing it to myself, so WTF!! I am also freezing. We got some Epsom Salts and I am trying to convince myself that I should get up and clean the tub and take a bath and I will feel a bunch better, but I am so cold I am having a hard time convincing myself. Part of me just wants to go to bed for the rest of the weekend and sleep, but I don't want to leave S all by himself. It would be selfish because he wants to spend time with me even if I am feeling like a total bitch.
Ugh, I am so sick of this!!! I hate detox days, I really do. Sure, I am a big freakin' baby.
Ugh, I am so sick of this!!! I hate detox days, I really do. Sure, I am a big freakin' baby.
Day Six (In Which Veronica Gets to Sleep)
My apologies for not posting last night. I was simply too tired when I got home. I made some lemonade and proceeded to be a total lump on the couch. S made himself a deconstructed sushi dinner which looked amazing. He had sushi rice in a bowl with some Wakami Furikake (dried seaweed rice seasoning) on top with some avocado and sushi grade tuna on the side. It looked so good and I was so tired, I just wanted to cry. I was strong however, and stuck with my lemonade.
S was sweet enough to make the bed while I had my smooth move tea which I had steeped for a couple of extra minutes. As soon as I was done drinking it I crawled in bed and was asleep before 10. S's phone rang at 11:30 and woke me up, but I had to go pee anyway so it was okay. When I got back into bed I had some fairly bad cramps from the tea, but managed to fall back to sleep pretty quickly.
This morning all my suspicions about yesterday being a detox day were confirmed. The tea did it's work and when I did my SWF at 7:30 this morning I had some very good results. I went back to bed after that and proceeded to sleep like a dead thing with only a couple of bathroom visits until 10:30. Then we got up and I started drinking my lemonade. I have grand designs that I will clean the bedroom and a bunch of other stuff, but I am still tired. I feel like I could go back to sleep, but I know that I must just be detoxing, so I am going to listen to what my body needs and try to keep it low key today. I have reading and stuff to do, so I am all bundled up on the couch under a blanket next to S who is being crafty with a coat and metal bits. Mmm, lazy Saturday.
S was sweet enough to make the bed while I had my smooth move tea which I had steeped for a couple of extra minutes. As soon as I was done drinking it I crawled in bed and was asleep before 10. S's phone rang at 11:30 and woke me up, but I had to go pee anyway so it was okay. When I got back into bed I had some fairly bad cramps from the tea, but managed to fall back to sleep pretty quickly.
This morning all my suspicions about yesterday being a detox day were confirmed. The tea did it's work and when I did my SWF at 7:30 this morning I had some very good results. I went back to bed after that and proceeded to sleep like a dead thing with only a couple of bathroom visits until 10:30. Then we got up and I started drinking my lemonade. I have grand designs that I will clean the bedroom and a bunch of other stuff, but I am still tired. I feel like I could go back to sleep, but I know that I must just be detoxing, so I am going to listen to what my body needs and try to keep it low key today. I have reading and stuff to do, so I am all bundled up on the couch under a blanket next to S who is being crafty with a coat and metal bits. Mmm, lazy Saturday.
27.2.09
Day 5 - The Ongoing Saga
The tiredness has not let up. All I want to do is sit on the couch under a blanket. The cravings keep coming and going so apparently Day 5 is a big detox day for me. I seem to be having tiny bursts where I feel great and have resolve, but for the most part today I have just wanted food. I know it's not an option. I do not want to let myself down, but I hate hate hate the feeling of being deprived of food. I know it is only psychological, but it certainly sucks.
I am going to skip yoga tonight and just go home make the bed and then get comfy clothes on. Make some lemonade and curl up on the couch. I think that is all I am up for today.
Today has had a lot of introspection as well as the other detox symptoms. I think I need to work on forgiving myself for things that have happened in the past. I also don't miss drinking alcohol at all. I am looking forward to experiencing the club and parties and things without it. That is very strange for me, but very important as well. I don't miss anything other than eating. I have never felt like that before. Times, they are a-changing!
I am going to skip yoga tonight and just go home make the bed and then get comfy clothes on. Make some lemonade and curl up on the couch. I think that is all I am up for today.
Today has had a lot of introspection as well as the other detox symptoms. I think I need to work on forgiving myself for things that have happened in the past. I also don't miss drinking alcohol at all. I am looking forward to experiencing the club and parties and things without it. That is very strange for me, but very important as well. I don't miss anything other than eating. I have never felt like that before. Times, they are a-changing!
Day Five (In Which Veronica is Dragging)
I promise I will stop with the (un)catchy bylines as soon as this cleanse is over. I'll have better post titles. Really. I will.
I slept pretty well last night until I woke up at 5:00 to go pee. I dozed until S's alarm went off and then downed my SWF at 6:16. Dozed again until about 6:40 then had to go. Thought I was doing fine so went back to doze until 7. Well apparently that was not in the cards, because as soon as I dozed off I had a little accident. I mean VERY small, but enough to make me levitate out of the bed and to the bathroom. Argh, that hasn't happened before. Oh well, it was really no big deal to clean up. Guess I need to be more careful with the SWF in the future. Now we will have clean sheets, LOL.
I managed to keep up with my dry skin brushing (DSB) and my Neti Pot this morning. I wonder if the DSB is kicking my detox up a notch? Because I am very glad it's Friday as I am beat today. I am just dragging. I could go back to sleep right now with no problem at all. I am very ready for the weekend to let my body detox in peace and comfort. I am excited to just relax before school starts as well because this is probably my last weekend to relax the whole time. Next weekend is the party at the Phatty house and the weekend after that is XMortis Apocalypse. Then classes start. Whew.
I have some stuff that I need to do like organize my bookshelves and perhaps put some clothes away that don't fit me right now. Oh, and I need to finish S and my filing before school starts for sure as I do not want to have to deal with disorganisation while studying. That will drive me crazy. At least the taxes are done.
I have been craving food all morning. I really want a good Everything bagel, toasted, with Smoked Salmon cream cheese. Or anything right now really. I think it's because I am tired. I want to go take a nap, but alas, that is not in the cards. Oh well. Maybe later. Oh I am so looking forward to curling up under a blanket and reading or knitting or colouring. Yes I said colouring. I still love to colour and probably always will.
I slept pretty well last night until I woke up at 5:00 to go pee. I dozed until S's alarm went off and then downed my SWF at 6:16. Dozed again until about 6:40 then had to go. Thought I was doing fine so went back to doze until 7. Well apparently that was not in the cards, because as soon as I dozed off I had a little accident. I mean VERY small, but enough to make me levitate out of the bed and to the bathroom. Argh, that hasn't happened before. Oh well, it was really no big deal to clean up. Guess I need to be more careful with the SWF in the future. Now we will have clean sheets, LOL.
I managed to keep up with my dry skin brushing (DSB) and my Neti Pot this morning. I wonder if the DSB is kicking my detox up a notch? Because I am very glad it's Friday as I am beat today. I am just dragging. I could go back to sleep right now with no problem at all. I am very ready for the weekend to let my body detox in peace and comfort. I am excited to just relax before school starts as well because this is probably my last weekend to relax the whole time. Next weekend is the party at the Phatty house and the weekend after that is XMortis Apocalypse. Then classes start. Whew.
I have some stuff that I need to do like organize my bookshelves and perhaps put some clothes away that don't fit me right now. Oh, and I need to finish S and my filing before school starts for sure as I do not want to have to deal with disorganisation while studying. That will drive me crazy. At least the taxes are done.
I have been craving food all morning. I really want a good Everything bagel, toasted, with Smoked Salmon cream cheese. Or anything right now really. I think it's because I am tired. I want to go take a nap, but alas, that is not in the cards. Oh well. Maybe later. Oh I am so looking forward to curling up under a blanket and reading or knitting or colouring. Yes I said colouring. I still love to colour and probably always will.
26.2.09
Day 4 - Sleepy girl!!
I called my dad on the walk home for work. He actually reads my blog!! Woot. He is very excited that I am going back to school to complete what I started and I am too. I sent in the rest of my paper work and first payment and filled out my military scholarship application. Hopefully in a week or two I will have all my materials for my first class!!
When I got home I was spacey but good. Had a really good yoga session with a lot of hip openers and it felt great. Steven made some sort of steak stir-fry goulash thing that smelled fabulous, but unlike yesterday I just enjoyed smelling it. I really didn't want it. Yes, it would have been nice to eat, but I seem to be able to overcome my moments of weakness faster today. Hopefully tomorrow will be even easier.
Made my normal lemonade after yoga and had a glass after. I am now just sitting having my Smooth Move tea. Soon to bed for one of S's patented amazing backrubs!!
When I got home I was spacey but good. Had a really good yoga session with a lot of hip openers and it felt great. Steven made some sort of steak stir-fry goulash thing that smelled fabulous, but unlike yesterday I just enjoyed smelling it. I really didn't want it. Yes, it would have been nice to eat, but I seem to be able to overcome my moments of weakness faster today. Hopefully tomorrow will be even easier.
Made my normal lemonade after yoga and had a glass after. I am now just sitting having my Smooth Move tea. Soon to bed for one of S's patented amazing backrubs!!
Day 4 - Continued
It was free lunch day here at the office. I knew it was going to be. Every Thursday is. I thought I would be okay because it was Papa Gino's which is gross as we all know. It smelled so good though. So good. I didn't have any of course. I am not going to let myself down on day 4. or any of the days for that matter. It is very important that I do this. I have tried it 2 other times and stopped early. Someone on one of the Master Cleanse boards wrote something along the lines of:
"If you quit doing something you've challenged your self to do it creates a groove in your brain and you are more likely to quit other challenges. If you push yourself through and succeed with the challenge, that makes a whole new groove and then you are more likely to succeed."
I probably botched the quote horribly, but that's the gist of it. I like the idea of that. There are so many things in my life that I had set out to do and then quit. I don't like that about myself at all. This cleanse is a way for me to make a new groove. Goddess knows I need it.
At lunch today I opted out of the neighborhood walk as I was so beat last night and I think that was why. Instead I talked to S on the phone for a bit while standing in the relatively warm hall way. We got into a tiff about snack food of all things. I guess talking about food is a bad thing during the cleanse? Maybe not. It turns out S was afraid I was going to go Vegan again. I am not. I am not even going to go pescetarian like I mentioned earlier. I just want to know where my food is coming from. I also want to eat healthy and homemade. I like too many different types of food and it all means too much to me for me to limit myself again. Especially with S and I both cooking so well and so often. I really wish it was next week. Really!
"If you quit doing something you've challenged your self to do it creates a groove in your brain and you are more likely to quit other challenges. If you push yourself through and succeed with the challenge, that makes a whole new groove and then you are more likely to succeed."
I probably botched the quote horribly, but that's the gist of it. I like the idea of that. There are so many things in my life that I had set out to do and then quit. I don't like that about myself at all. This cleanse is a way for me to make a new groove. Goddess knows I need it.
At lunch today I opted out of the neighborhood walk as I was so beat last night and I think that was why. Instead I talked to S on the phone for a bit while standing in the relatively warm hall way. We got into a tiff about snack food of all things. I guess talking about food is a bad thing during the cleanse? Maybe not. It turns out S was afraid I was going to go Vegan again. I am not. I am not even going to go pescetarian like I mentioned earlier. I just want to know where my food is coming from. I also want to eat healthy and homemade. I like too many different types of food and it all means too much to me for me to limit myself again. Especially with S and I both cooking so well and so often. I really wish it was next week. Really!
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